Becoming Mr. Hepziboo: the application form- hurray while stock last

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So, I heard you want to get married? CONGRATULATIONS OH! Me to wan marry and am serious oh. And to prove to y’all I mean this new found wedding/marriage business, that’s why I put up this post. Disclaimer: the next voice/writing is that of one of my alter egos, so be warned, plus my alter ego loves chewing gums loudly. First of all introductions, meet alter ego 1.

Hows y’all? My name is Hephzibaby, baby because I like to be pampered, like seriously pampered, you knows chauffeur-driven, pizza, chicken, shawarma and ice cream, manicure and pedicure, sun bathe, designer wearing, name dropping et al. #chewing gums. They said we want to get married oh. So, let’s just yan marriage tori. Currently, as at the time of this post Hephzibaby is SINGLE to stupor and is requesting for applicants. So plizk all interested applicants should purchase a “hephzibaby suitor’s form”. Just slide in a dm for payment details then there will be screening, manifesto hearing and short listening. Sale of forms is on-going and manifesto hearing date will be announced shortly once the form is sold out……. Let the credit alert start rolling in…..

In talking about this wedding and marriage ish, hephzibaby would be sharing from one of Dr D.K Olukoya’s message on choosing your life partner. Yels I know some of y’all think Dr olukoya is all about fire, enemy, mountain, die, et al. Sorry to burst your bubble he is one of my fav Nigerian preachers. Besides ‘upon mountain Zion there shall be holiness and deliverance and house of Jacob shall possess their possession. Decipher it. So here is hephzibaby’s account and twist to it.

Marriage is created for companionship, procreation and the agenda of God.

15 wrong reasons for getting married.

  1. Don’t marry for lust (regular sex, they say, you won’t always be in the mood for it)
  2. Infatuation (dear suitor, don’t tell me love at first sight oh)
  3. Liking the idea of marriage (plus, I feel most single ladies like the idea of wedding especially the wedding party and the ring. All thanks to several wedding sites. I can’t count the number of ladies that picked their wedding theme and colour from da online)
  4. The fear of remaining unmarried (But why ke, God has you in mind, so why allow the devil trap you with that kind of thought, they cannot marry your husband with their own)
  5. Pressure (pressure should not make you lose your focus, if intentional pressure does not affect you, external cant. Period)
  6. Escaping from been jilted (but what oh, you should think of divorce too oh)
  7. Money (money has wings, it fit fly oh. Money may pay the bills, but it can pay for the emotional attachment.)
  8. Using marriage as an escape route (marriage na trap route oh)
  9. Having pity on a person. (Don’t even go there, who pity help!)
  10. Foolish expectations especially attitudinal change. (Oh boy, we don’t really change oh. Understanding some character traits can be altered but not all. If he get angry easily, trust me, be prepared, it will get worse.)
  11. Beauty/ Handsomeness (who beauty epp. Did you guys hear the story of a lady who after her wedding night, her husband didn’t recognize her again, so he sent her out of the house oh! Poor dude, he had never see her without make up!, like one wise pastor once advised brothers during a youth conference, he said and I quote, “with the makeup trend in this generation, pay your spouse a surprise visit in the wee hours of the morning so you can see her without makeup).
  12. Accidental pregnancy (let me not even talk but that you get pregnant for him, does not mean you should marry him)
  13. Tribal Connection (make I no even near that one)
  14. To satisfy your parents (honour your parents no doubt but why marry to satisfy them, shey na dem go run the marriage for you).
  15. To hurt ones parents (I didn’t know how to explain this one oh…if youu think, you are hurting them, you are on a long thing….

Like I said earlier oh, Hephzibaby, likes to be pampered. She is off for some pampering. Thanks Hepzibah for showing me off…I still want to get married oh! Pliz purchase the form oh……….

So guys, what do you think about alter ego 1 aka Hephzibaby? I think she is cool, or what do you think?

2 comments

  1. I love this piece…..I for one would only get married for “the sake of God”..by doing so..Am binded by God’s obligations in the life of me and my spouse(am sounding too reli*****)……P.s…Hey hephzibaby can’t seem to find the form?

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